For the First Time
by bechloepitchperfection
Summary: Chloe has to break some really hard news to Beca, and it brings them closer than ever, but can Beca come to terms with how she feels about Chloe before it's too late? (trigger warning)
1. The Bad News

"Man, what a great day." I walked in the door of the Bella's house, expecting everyone to be in the living room. Except it was all quiet. I placed my laptop bag down on the floor slowly.

"Anybody even home?"

"In here." A voice quietly came from the dining room. A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I walked into the room. Everyone sat silently looking at their dinner plates. Some pushed food around with their forks, others sat with their hands in their laps, and Amy ate slowly, a disgusted face with each bite. It was Aubrey sitting there that really surprised me. Normally, she is too busy with her camp to just stop by to visit out of the blue.

"What's going on… Why does everyone look so sad? Did the turtle in the backyard finally leave?" Still everyone sat there.

"Oh god, it's the turtle. Guys, come on. I know you loved the turtle but I mean, it's just a turtle- Wait, where is Chloe?" Aubrey stood up from the spot where Chloe would normally sit; right next to my empty chair.

"She's upstairs. You should go talk to her." Aubrey said quietly, her voice wavering slightly.

"Will someone just tell me what's going on?"

"Beca, just go talk to her." Fat Amy choked out. I've never seen her so upset.

My heart began to race.

I nodded slowly and made my way up the stairs. With each step I could feel my heart beating faster. Then I was there. Right in front of her door. It was just enough to see that there were no lights on. The sound of sniffling came from inside.

"Chloe? It's me, Beca." I tapped on the door lightly with a knuckle. No response came out. I slowly opened the door.

"God, Chloe, it's so dark in here." I stepped carefully to her bed. The normally tidy room of Chloe Beale was trashed. Clothes littered the floor. Her bed was completely taken apart. Pillows on the floor were lazily slumped against the mattress. Her bedspread hung off the end of the bed. In the middle of her mattress was Chloe. Curled into a ball, she continued to cry. Even though she was bigger than me, I have never seen the redhead look so small.

I walked over to sit behind her.

"Chloe, talk to me." I gently placed myself on the bed, and rubbed small circles on her back. I felt her body shake with every sob.

"Can you lay down? And just hold me?" She whispered. I moved down to where I could be right next to her. Wrapping an arm around her waist, I pulled her as close as possible.

"Now, tell me what's bothering you. You aren't pregnant are you?"

"I have cancer."


	2. Drink the Pain Away

The words made my heart stop. I could feel my blood run cold.

"Chloe.." I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt the wetness on my cheek. Under my am, her small frame quaked. I moved even closer to her as I rested my chin on her shoulder. Pulling her so close to help her stop shaking so violently. I could feel her uneasy breathing getting more and more rapid. She sat up in the bed for a second and then got to her feet.

I sat up slowly and watched the girl slowly make her way to the dresser on the other side of the room. She picked up a picture frame full of pictures from the last year. Mostly of all of the Bella's doing all the crazy shit we do. She turned it over and over in her hands.

"The doctor said I won't make it to graduation." Her words bit the air and left the room icy. I watched as all the muscles in her arms and back tensed up. A low growl escaped her lips. It quickly turned into a high pitched wail and then heart wrenching sobs as she hurled the picture at the door. As the glass shattered into a thousand pieces, she fell to the floor in a ball.

Quickly I rushed down to her and pulled her into my lap. I rocked her back and forth like a baby as she screamed in my arms. Her tears soaked through the shoulder of my shirt. I tried my best to push her hair behind her ear and wipe the tears from her face, but they wouldn't stop flowing.

"Shh, shh. Chloe, come on. Breathe. We're going to fight through this. We'll prove the doctor wrong." Nothing could quiet the girl. I looked all around the room trying to think of something that could get her to relax. Then it hit me. I took a deep breath.

"You shout it out, but I can't hear a word you say, I'm talking loud, not saying much, I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet, you shoot me down, but I get up. I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away, ricochet, you take your aim, fire away, fire away, you shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium, you shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium." I sung softly until the girl was still in my arms. She had cried herself to sleep. Exhausted from all of today's events.

I leaned forward without waking her and threw one of the pillows back on her bed. Picking her up bridal style, I placed her back on the mattress. Soon, the blanket was placed carefully over her. I took a long look at my best friend, so beautiful and peaceful in her sleep. I then placed a quick kiss on her forehead and left, avoiding the broken frame and shutting her door behind me. As I made my way down the stairs, I could see the warm glow of the living room lamp on. All the rest of the girls sat amongst the various couches. Aubrey held Stacie closely, as the girl cried softly. I didn't feel like joining them, so I made my way outside and laid out in the grass.

On every star in the sky, I wished that the doctor was wrong. That this was all a misunderstanding. Now that I was alone, I let it all go.

I was sickened by the sound of my own screaming. Yelling at the world for doing this. Beating my fists into the earth and letting warm tears fall. Chloe would never hurt a single person in her life. Who decided this would be her fate? That she was going to go out like this?

I sat up as I heard the front door open and close. Footsteps got closer and closer until Aubrey sat down in the grass next to me.

"Here, it'll take the edge off." She held out a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses.

"Thanks." I poured the strong liquid into each glass. She held hers out to me.

"To Chloe." I tapped mine against hers.

"To Chloe." I threw my head back and swallowed the liquid. It burned as it went down. Setting fire to my insides.

We both sat there in silence, watching the moon before Aubrey decided to talk.

"So, it's breast cancer. They found it at a point where they can try to save her, but chances are, it won't work. But there is still a possibility. She's so strong though. I know this is all just shock for her right now, but she will spring back to normal any time." Aubrey poured herself another shot of vodka and drank it quickly.

"I just don't know what I'm going to do without her. I can't imagine my world without her."

"Don't talk like that, Beca! What is your problem? What if she could hear you say these things? How do you think she'd feel? This isn't about you, you know." I poured myself another shot and drank it. Letting it all rush to my head.

"Listen, I am just trying to be realistic. I love her, okay? I don't want her to die, but-" The tears burned my eyes once again. Things stayed quiet for a couple minutes as we continued to watch the sky.

"I'm sorry. That was out of line. I guess, if this is how life is going to be for a while, in regards to Chloe, then we should probably just bury the hatchet for the time being. There's no way we can help her if we keep this up." She finally said. I nodded, pouring the vodka in both glasses once again.

"We just need to expect the worst, and hope for the best." This time, it was Aubrey's turn to nod. We clinked our glasses again and took another swig to drink the pain away for tonight.


	3. The Poor Girl

"Well, I guess there's no going back now." Chloe exhaled a large breath. I looked over at her. She obviously wasn't thrilled. These days, her eyes seemed to not shine as brightly as they did before her breast cancer diagnosis. Regardless, they were still just as beautiful. I just feel bad for only noticing now and not telling her how amazing her eyes are sooner. It probably wouldn't mean much now, but maybe one of these days I'll tell her at a more appropriate time.

She ran a hand through her hair, shining like fire in the afternoon sun, and let out another breath.

"I can always take you home. We don't have to do this if you aren't ready."

"No. It's fine. I don't have much time to dwell on decisions anymore anyways so."

"Chlo, come on, don't think like that."

"I appreciate you trying to help, but I am coming to terms with all this. It's okay." She now had locked her eyes on the ground, hand still playing with her curls. I gently cupped her chin in my hand and brought her eyes to mine.

"You have to be strong. There are so many people who love you who can't live without you. You're like, a ball of sunshine here on earth. And- I love you." The last words came out shakily. As time went on, my relationship with Chloe has become so confusing. We've spent so much time together.

Her eyes fell once again as she turned back around to look in front of her. We stood there for another minute or two until I felt her hand slip into mine. I felt my heart jump at the soft touch.

"I think I'm ready." I could hear it in her voice that she wanted to cry so badly.

"Are you sure? Like, totally sure?"

"Yes."

We began to walk together towards the doors of the salon. I went ahead so I could open it for her.

"Go have a seat, I'll talk to the receptionist." She nodded and gave me a small smile. I made sure she made it over to a seat and got situated with a magazine. One about parenting. Interesting choice for a singer, but whatever floats your boat I suppose.

"Uh, hi. My friend over there actually needs her head shaved." I said quietly. The receptionist furrowed her brow.

"This isn't some kind of prank, right? I don't want to be liable for this." I shook my head.

"She has cancer. She's probably going to lose it anyways through chemo, so she would just rather do it this way. And if we could tell the stylist to just be normal about it, that'd be great." Her confused melted into one of shock.

"Oh I am so sorry to hear that. She's got beautiful hair too, the poor girl.."

"Yeah, it is beautiful." I turned around to look at Chloe, still reading the magazine.

"Truly. But I'll go get a stylist and let them know the situation."

"Thanks." The receptionist walked to the back of the store. She was back there for a few minutes then came out with a man. Luckily we came on a Sunday, so the four of us were the only ones there. Whatever emotions and reactions Chloe experienced today could be done with a little bit of privacy.

"Hi girls, how are we today?"

"Good, it's all good." I said, trying to be as convincing as possible. Chloe just nodded and set the magazine down on the table next to her and stood up.

"Let's just get this over with. No need to beat around the bush."

"Well, just come over to this chair and we'll get started. Ma'am, if you'd like, you can pull up another chair to sit next to your friend." I shot him a thumbs up and took one of the chairs to his station.

Once Chloe got situated in the chair, the stylist began to put out some clippers and razors.

"Wait! Please!" She yelled as soon as he turned on the clippers. The buzzing of the little machine was too much. I placed a hand on her thigh to hopefully help calm her down.

"Take your time, love." The stylist said. I glanced at Chloe's reflection in the large mirror. She lifted a shaking hand to her hair once again. Feeling it one last time, she closed her eyes and nodded. I gently squeezed her leg to remind her I was still there. She placed her hand on top of mine.

As the stylist turned the razor on again, Chloe's hand went straight to her mouth to stop whatever sound may be produced. Tears fell as the first chunk of hair did. Worried, the stylist looked over at me, unsure of whether to continue or not. I nodded, mouthing _keep going, keep going_.

Even after all of her hair was gone, she kept her eyes shut and her hand clamped to her mouth. Her body shook with each sob. I held her as tight as possible. Her red hair laid all over the floor beneath the chair. Chloe still looked breathtaking without hair.

The people at the salon were so lovely and let us stay the 45 minutes it took to calm Chloe down enough to get in the car and go home. I made sure to bring Chloe's Bella's scarf to wrap around her head in case she didn't want everyone seeing her new look.

Chloe's eyes were glued to the window for the majority of the ride home.

"So, that magazine. Did you enjoy it?"

"Yeah.. I'd really love to have kids. With someone I really cared about." For the first time I felt her gaze on me, searching my face. My stomach began to twist into knots. I gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.

"And you will. You just have to find the right person, I suppose." With that, her head turned back towards the window.

"Yeah, I guess.. Unless I've already found them.." Sadness clung to her words.

"Beale, what are you talking about? Or who?" I looked over at her for a quick second and smirked. She just shook her head. No longer wanting to keep up the conversation, she stopped talking for the rest of the ride.

As soon as we pulled up to the house, she got out, went inside, and straight up the stairs to her room.

Best to leave her alone now. I'll just bring her dinner up later on.


	4. Dinosaur Nuggets and Vitamins

It wasn't until about 2 weeks after the diagnosis that the house started to go back to their old ways. All the girls began to live life normally. Really, I was starting to see everyone get closer in an effort to support Chloe. Sadly, Chloe spent a lot of her time locked away in her bedroom. On occasion she would come down and hang out for an hour or two. In those times, we all tried our best to just be normal. We still gushed over how insane Worlds was and the gorgeously frightening Germans. Still, the house just doesn't glow as much as it used to.

All of us sat in the living room as Stacie prepared Chloe's requested meal of the night: mac n' cheese, chicken nuggets, and broccoli. It was all in an effort to help Chloe feel better about her hair.

"I know how to get her hair to make a wig." Lily whispered.

"Thanks, Lily, creepy as always.. Although, maybe it would be a nice gesture to go get her a wig." All the girls nodded in agreement with Aubrey. Stacie walked into the doorway of the living room. She was wearing her favorite apron. It had the drawing of a woman in a bikini on it.

"Dinner is ready. Beca, I made a plate for Chloe that you can take up to her. I put her vitamins and pills in a little bowl too."

"Thanks." I pushed myself off the couch and went to the kitchen. Looking at her plate, I realized I grabbed dinosaur nuggets instead of the regular weird circular ones at the store. Not the worst mistake I could've made.

I did my best to juggle her plate, vitamins, and water up the stairs. Using my back to open the door, I walked into the dim room.

"Hey, Chloe. I brought you some dinner. Dinosaur nuggets and mac, just like you asked."

"Mm hmm hmmnh." Came her muffled response from under the pillow she had placed over her face.

"You can come out from under the pillow, it's only me, I swear."

"I'm not hungry anymore." She moved the pillow over and propped herself up on her elbows.

"You should at least try to eat some broccoli. It'll be good for you. And the pills are non-negotiable, my friend." I set the dishes on the nightstand next to her bed and sat down next to her as she made space for me.

"Do I need to do the whole 'here comes the airplane' gig to get you to eat? I am not afraid to toddler you." I felt her place her head onto my shoulder. Intertwining my fingers into hers, I rubbed small circles on her hand. The skin was so soft. When she finally decided to speak again, her words cut the air like a knife.

"Beca, am I ugly now?"

"Are you kidding? You're the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen. You don't need hair to be beautiful. Trust me." Chloe lifted her head up to look at me. The darkness under her eyes due to so many sleepless nights was still visible in the low light of the lamp in the far corner of the room. I brought one hand up to cup the side of her face.

"You're lying to me." I wiped away the tears that began to gently roll down her cheeks.

"I would never. Your hair may take a while to grow back, but your beauty will be here forever. That's a promise." Chloe smiled softly and placed her head back down on my shoulder.

"You're too nice to me, you know."

"I care. A lot. That's all."

"Well, thank you. For caring so much." I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes.

"Anything for you." I felt Chloe press into me with every steady breath. I hope to god she can't feel how hard my heart is pounding in my chest. Just to have her so close was so comforting. Part of me felt so guilty for enjoying the moment when she is facing one of the worst times of her life. Maybe she was enjoying it too. Just two friends. Having a moment.

Right? Right.

"I think I want to go to sleep. Will you stay with me tonight?" Her voice quietly woke me from my thoughts.

"Yeah. Of course." I got out of the bed to turn the light off. When I turned back around. Chloe had stripped down to her underwear. The light of the rising moon shone through the window, making her skin look angelically white. I swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry, is this not okay with you?"

"Uh, no. No, it's cool. Get comfortable. You still need to take your meds, by the way." I looked at the food still sitting on her nightstand. I watched long enough to make certain she took every last one.

Taking my own shirt off and tossing it in the corner, I got back in bed. I flipped on my side, facing away from Chloe. Her arm snaked its way under mine and around my waist, pulling us close. Grabbing her hand, I placed a slow kiss on the smooth skin.

"Sleep easy, Chloe."


	5. A Trip to Dad's House

"Dad, I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to make her feel better."

"Well Becs, just be there for her. That's the only thing you can do at this point." Warren poured a glass of water and handed it to me. I took a slow sip, and placed it on the coffee table in front of me.

"I'm trying, but I feel like it's not enough."

"Oh Beca, I'm sure it's enough. Chloe seems like a very strong girl, but I don't think she's afraid to ask for help if she needs it. I know she trusts you." Warren sat down gently on the couch beside me, a glass of wine in hand.

I stared at my own glass on the table in front of me. We sat like this for a while, the only sound of the occasional sip of wine from my father. Once at least 20 minutes had passed, I spoke up again.

"I'm in love with her." Without looking up, I heard my dad clear his throat.

"You what?"

"I'm in love with Chloe. And it scares me." Tears burned at my eyes and threatened to fall as I looked up at my father's face. Without another word, he put down his drink and folded his arms around me.

"What if she doesn't love me back? Or what if she does, and I mean she's been sending some confusing signals, but I lose her?"

"Beca, you know what you need to do."

"Give up?"

"Noo, no, no. You need to tell her. You need to be honest with her. Here, I have a gift for you." He pushed himself up from the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. There was little bit of banging around, and then he emerged back into the living room. In his hand was an unopened bottle of red wine.

"I've been saving this for something special, and I think you and her need this. Find a night, have a little drink, talk things out."

"You realize she has cancer, right? I don't think she should be drinking."

"It's a treat, only let her have a little, plus, she's a grown woman. IF she wants to drink it, that's her choice." I grabbed the bottle. A smirk began to tug at my lips, knowing that Chloe was going to be all over this wine, and there would be nothing I could do to stop her.

"Thanks dad, I'll try to monitor her. And, I really appreciate you talking to me. I haven't really been able to open up, to like, anyone, about any of this." He just hugged me again.

"Get home kiddo, it's late. You need some good rest." Forcing a small smile, I nodded and made my way for the door.

"Hey Becs?" I turned around to face my dad.

"I love you."

"I love you too." This time, I didn't have to force the smile.

 **Hey guys, I know it's been a while and I have been trying to get something out for yall and finally… ITS HERE! I know this is a short chapter, but I needed something to lead up to my plans for next chapter. I hope you're all enjoying, and you continue to follow the story and leave me some reviews!**


	6. A Little Too Much Wine

**12:28 The next night…**

Carefully, I nudged the front door shut with my foot as to not wake up any of the girls who might be sleeping. I walked into the kitchen and placed my laptop ag on the island. Feeling exhausted, I slumped into one of the bars stools and rested my head on the cold surface of the island. The house was completely silent. It felt as if I had been there for hours when a knock on the doorframe sent me sitting straight up. I whipped around to find Chloe standing in the doorway. She had on some baggy pajama pants and a grey hoodie, with the hood pulled over to hide her still bald head.

"Welcome home." She said quietly.

"Chloe, I thought you'd be asleep." She shook her head.

"Everyone is out tonight, so I decided to change up the scenery. I've been on the couch." I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, but I decided not to let go. At first she was hesitant, then I felt her arms wrap around the small of my back as she nestled her head into my neck.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

I felt her give a small shake of her head before she unwrapped herself from back. Her eyes hit the floor as she crossed her arms over her chest. I reached out and cupped her chin in my hand to lift her eyes to mine.

"I have a little surprise for you, if you want to." There was a small sparkle that came back into her.

"Go make a fire in the fireplace. I'll be out in a second." With a small smile, she made her way into the living room.

I hurried around the kitchen, making a small plate of cheese and crackers. Then, I grabbed the bottle of wine and two small glasses. In some crazy balancing act, I managed to get all the items out to the coffee table in front of Chloe.

"Well aren't you fancy. Ooh wine!"

"But listen to me, this probably isn't the best for you, but you still gotta have some fun, right? Just don't go crazy." I poured her first glass and handed it to her. Once I had my own, I plopped down next to her on the couch."

"This is so cute, Becs. Thank you."

"I have to give my dad some credit, he gave me the wine."

"It's a good one too." Chloe lowered the glass, a red kiss staining her lips. Oh god they looked so good.

It wasn't long before the wine was almost at the bottom of the bottle, although most of it probably spent time in Chloe's glass. Who was now sprawled out over half the couch.

"Oh, it's getting too hot in here." Her speech slurred, and there was a fire in her eyes I hadn't seen in a long time.

Before I knew it, I had looked over and Chloe was struggling to pull her hoodie over herself.

"Beca, some help?" I gulped and reached over, assisting the very drunk redhead. The removal of the jacket left Chloe in a lacy black bra, and her skin glowing in the light of the fire. It was clear to see she had lost a lot of weight from not eating.

"You know, you're, sooooo, beautiful."

"And you're clearly messed up, my friend." I tried to look away, but her eyes were piercing into mine. She then got on her hands and knees, crawling across the couch until she was straddling me. I closed my eyes and threw my head back. Having her this close was absolutely intoxicating, even though most of it was just a wine buzz.

She began to roll her hips over mine. Reaching up to run her fingers through her hair, she stopped. A devilish smile spread across her face.

"Shit man, guess I can't do that one anymore. Guess I'll just have to use yours." She leaned forward, long fingers began to knit through my hair. It was so perfect, but so wrong. I bit my lip, trying to keep the moans from escaping the deepest parts of me.

"You like that?" Eyes still closed, I nodded violently, wanting more.

I opened my eyes again when I felt my fingers leave my hair, only to see them reach behind her back to unclasp her bra. It fell into my lap, leaving her perky breasts completely exposed. Chloe aggressively grabbed my wrists and placed my hands onto her chest, earning moan from her.

She slowly leaned down and placed kisses up my neck, along my jawline, and almost to my lips while slowly unbuttoning the front of my shirt. Once I was exposed, she retraced her kisses back down my neck and down my chest. This was completely wrong.

She stopped right where my pants met my hips and looked up at me, the blaze in her eyes still burning. Slowly, almost teasingly, she unbuttoned my pants, then next came the zipper. Licking her lips, she began to grab my jeans and pull them down.

"Stop."

Chloe sat straight up and crossed her arms.

"What's the problem, babe?" The pet name sent chills down my spine, and I tried my hardest to right back tears.

"You're drunk, we aren't a couple, I don't even know if you're straight or not. This isn't real. You're not going to remember this tomorrow, and it's going to leave me so confused and heartbroken. This needs to stop." I slid myself out from under Chloe. and began to put myself back together. I picked up the bra from the couch and handed it back to a now pouting Chloe.

"But, I love you, I want this. I want you."

"No you don't! You don't know what you're saying." Running my fingers through my own hair, I walked in front of the fire and turned my back to Chloe. I couldn't look at her right now.

"Beca.. Please." A hand made its way to my shoulder. I just shook it off.

"You need to go to bed."

"But Beca-"

"No, I'm done tonight. Go sleep this off." Not another word was spoken, I just heard her shuffling out of the room and up the stairs. It wasn't long after when I heard her bedroom door slam.

I knew she wouldn't remember this tomorrow. I knew this would be a bad idea, I just didn't know it was going to end like this. She drank most of the damn bottle. That god damn bottle.

In a fit of tears and anger I picked up the bottle and threw it against a wall. It shattered into pieces and sprayed the last few drops of wine. I let myself just drop to the floor. Sobs shaking my body.

The sound of the front door opening it again sent me upright. Eyes puffy, face wet, I sat there looking like a small child as Stacie came into view in the doorway.

"Aw, baby, rough night?' Then she caught sight of the broken glass and spilled wine.

"Oh, really rough night. Why don't you go to bed? I'll clean up." All I could do was nod, the best 'thank you' I could muster given my emotional state.

I pushed myself off the floor and made my own way up the stairs to crawl into bed. Tonight needs to forgotten.


End file.
